The other day Mark suggested that we go sailing. It was a beautiful warm fall day and being out on the water surrounded by the mountains in all their fall beauty, although rather brown because it has been so dry, would have been wonderful!
So after I declined and opted instead to go for a hike I thought to myself, why?
Why did I choose a hike over sailing?
And do you know what answer came to my mind?
“Because hiking you are in control.
Sailing you aren’t in control.”
Wow! Where did that even come from?
I have to believe it was God.
Because then I began to think about what other things I am afraid of and when I really consider them, it comes down to the fact that I’m not in control. I tend to resist new or unfamiliar situations because I feel inadequate, incapable, and I don’t want to be in a situation that I could make mistakes, where I could be wrong, or could get hurt.
This revelation led me to ask God more about my issue with control.
I love the way God connects the dots of my life. When He shows me things that seemingly have nothing to do with anything, yet, as I allow Him to speak He shows me how so much of my life is woven together and how all the dots throughout my life have made me who I am today.
But I have lived enough life to realize that when God shows me things about myself it isn’t meant to just make me aware, but it is intended for me to grow from.
God wants to work ALL things together for my good!
So when I see some things that I don’t like or understand I realize I don’t need to just assume that is who I am, that I can’t change, and that I will always be the same.
I can respond by thanking God for revealing it to me and then ask Him to show me more.
And so the issue with control…
It wasn’t difficult to think of other ways I have responded by trying to control situations and others.
So I asked God where did that come from?
What were the dots in my life that caused me to feel the need to be in control and to fear not being in control?
Though I realize lots of people have control issues and I could just say, it is my sin nature, lots of people deal with this too, I believe I need to make it personal and allow God to show me the roots of my own sin and why I have control issues so that I can see the lies I believed and replace them with God’s truth.
And so God reminded me of the situation I experienced growing up in my family. Having a disabled sister required my mother’s time and attention leaving me to do so much on my own. I became very capable and independent at a very young age, but what I didn’t realize was the enemy took advantage of that and planted a lie that I needed to take care of myself. I didn’t need others to help me, and as long as I did all the right things I was good.
These lies became my reality and kept me striving to keep life safe, good, and right. But life never stays safe, good, and right, and that’s when fear kicks in and control takes over.
That fear, that emotion, comes out in different ways. Either in refusing to do some things, expressing frustration or anger towards someone who doesn’t see things the way I do, or by having a melt down when I make mistakes.
So when God showed me the lies the enemy planted and how they have kept in a prison of fear and hindered me from growing up into the woman He intends for me to be I asked Him to forgive me for believing the lies meant to rob, kill, and destroy.
What the enemy meant for my harm, God intends for my good!
God never intended me to live life on my own, independent, and in control.
God created me for His good pleasure, and chose me to be His very own, loved and cared for by Him, so that I will bring Him praise and glory!
“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love, having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will, to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the Beloved.
Ephesians 1:3-6
God’s truth grows me up!